The Curse of Captain Cross-eyed Read online

  Sara and Surinder weren’t so keen.

  “You want us to help search a smelly wheelie bin for pirate rubbish?” said Sara, when I asked them at break.

  “And keep a look-out in case you’re spotted,” said Surinder.

  I nodded.

  Sara and Surinder looked at each other. “Perhaps it’s the only way to get him to stop talking about this imaginary pirate,” said Sara.

  “And get his mind back on football,” added Surinder.

  “We’ll do it on Saturday morning at the end of my round,” I grinned, and hurried away to football practice before they could change their minds.

  Chapter Six

  When Saturday arrived, I sneaked two pairs of Mum’s bright-yellow rubber gloves from the cupboard under the sink, and stuffed them into my jacket pocket. Then I pedalled off to do my round.

  Sara and Surinder were waiting for me at number 13 when I finally got there.

  “This is a weird street,” whispered Sara. “Some of the houses are very odd-looking.”

  “You should see some of the people who live in them,” I said.

  “Never mind that,” hissed Surinder. “What do you want us to do?”

  “You can help me search the bin while Sara keeps a look-out,” I said, handing him a pair of rubber gloves.

  “I hope no one sees me wearing these,” he complained.

  Sara stood under the chestnut tree while I put the paper under the stone by the front door, then Surinder and I tiptoed round to the back. The wheelie bin was in its usual place. Under the unblinking eye of the garden gnome, we crept towards it.

  But we weren’t the only ones there.

  “Look, our first clue,” I whispered excitedly, pointing to a long line of insects that were making their way up the path. “Weevils!”

  “They’re ants, you idiot,” hissed Surinder.

  I shrugged, opened the lid of the bin, and poked about among the pongy orange peel and eggshells. “There’s just a load of rubbish in here,” I said.

  “What did you expect? A couple of wooden legs and a pirate flag?”

  I ignored him as we rummaged through cat-food tins and bird-seed packets.

  “There are no rum bottles, just a load of empty fish-finger boxes. What kind of a pirate eats fish fingers?”

  “This kind,” said a low, menacing voice.

  Surinder and I both screamed.

  A huge pirate loomed above us. He wore stripy black-and-white trousers tucked into high, black boots, a black jacket crisscrossed with silver chains, and a three-cornered hat. A thick, black beard covered his chin, and a vivid red scar was slashed across his cheek.

  “Now what would you landlubbers be doin’ here?” he snarled, putting his hands on his hips. “Are ye lookin’ to steal Captain Cross-eyed’s treasure? For if ye are I shall make ye walk the plank till ye fall SPLASH into a sea of hungry sharks. Oo-aarr!”

  “N-n-n-no,” I said. “We just…”

  Then the pirate took off his beard and gave a hearty laugh. “Hello, Jonny Smith,” he said. “Would you like to introduce me to your friend? Friends,” he corrected, as Sara came running round the corner. “And then you can tell me why you are so interested in the contents of my bin.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. So did Surinder.

  “This is Sara and Surinder, and…” I paused.

  “And?”

  “And they didn’t believe I had seen a pirate. Neither did my teacher, nor my dad, who said you gave him boxes of sausages for the children’s summer barbeque. I was looking for clues in your bin to convince them.”

  “Aarr.” Captain Cross-eyed put on his pirate’s voice again. “Clues. Like ground-up bones and dead-men’s chests, ye mean.”

  I gulped. I hadn’t thought of that.

  Captain Cross-eyed laughed. “I met your dad, Jonny, when he came to the factory to collect the sausages. He’s a sensible man who will only believe the evidence of his own eyes. Why don’t the three of you bring him here for a pirate tea, tomorrow at four o’clock.”

  Sara, Surinder and I looked at each other. A pirate tea? Wow!

  “OK,” we agreed.

  Then we closed the lid of the bin, said goodbye to Captain Cross-eyed, and cycled back to my house.

  Chapter Seven

  Dad agreed to come to the pirate tea. He wanted to find out more about Captain Cross-eyed, too.

  “There’s just one small problem,” said Mum, when she came home and heard about our invitation. “I need to go and visit Gran again, so you’ll have to take Ellie with you.”

  “She’ll eat all the pirate biscuits,” I protested. “We’ll be left with the weevils.” But it was no use. Ellie still had to come.

  Sara and Surinder were leaning on their bikes by the big chestnut tree at number 13 when Mum dropped us off the next day.

  “I’ll pick you up on my way back from Gran’s,” she said. “Have fun!”

  Dad hobbled behind us as we walked down the path. When we neared the front door, it slowly creaked open. A large pirate stood there. Out of one black sleeve gleamed a shiny metal hook. He held it up in greeting.

  “I be Captain Cross-eyed,” he boomed. “Welcome aboard. Oo-aarr.”

  “Er… Hi,” we all said. Apart from Ellie.

  She pointed up at him. “Pi,” she said.

  We laughed and went inside.

  “Wow!” I breathed, when we entered the sitting room. It didn’t look like the one we have at home. It was like walking into a real pirate ship!

  Captain Cross-eyed grinned as we gazed around, our mouths open.

  Two of the walls were covered in rigging, which I just itched to climb. A fantastic bookcase made out of driftwood filled another wall, while curtains made from shells and seaweed hung at the window. There were even tables and chairs made out of old barrels.

  “Look,” Surinder nudged me. “That table’s got GUNPOWDER stencilled on the side.”

  On the window ledge a one-eared cat snoozed, totally ignoring the parrot that danced about from foot to foot cackling, “Walk the plank, matey. Walk the plank.”

  Captain Cross-eyed held up his hook and the parrot flew onto it. “This is Olly,” he smiled. “He’s a terrible thief. Watch your pockets or he’ll pinch your money.”

  “Pieces of eight. Pieces of eight,” cackled Olly.

  But it was the fourth wall that really interested me. It was covered with portraits of fierce-looking pirates. They didn’t look a bit like our family, though Gran can be a bit grumpy sometimes.

  Captain Cross-eyed followed my gaze. “Some of my ancestors were pirates,” he explained. “Let’s have tea and I’ll tell you all about them.”

  I couldn’t wait.

  We sat around the big gunpowder table. Olly hopped on to my shoulder. I could feel his sharp claws through my sweater and, when he moved, his soft feathers tickled my cheek.

  The cat, who was called Scarface Jack, turned out to be a real softie, and let Ellie stroke his head. I just hoped she wouldn’t nibble his one remaining ear.

  “Have a dead-men’s-eyes biscuit, Jonny,” smiled Captain Cross-eyed, holding out a large scallop-shell plate.

  I took one and had a nibble. Then I took a bigger bite. Dead-men’s-eyes biscuits tasted like chocolate-chip cookies to me.

  After that, we had black-spot cakes. They had a chocolate button on the top, and were just like my mum’s fairy cakes. Then, according to Captain Cross-eyed, we washed it all down with the blood of an ancient mariner. Funny how their blood tasted the same as Coke.

  When we were full, Captain Cross-eyed sat back and started to tell us all about the portraits. “That’s Captain Cross-fingers,” he said, pointing to a black-bearded pirate. “He was a great storyteller and could weave fantastic tales. But he also told enormous porkies, which got him into lots of trouble.”

  “Like some of your excuses for being late, Jonny,” grinned Surinder.

  “Shush,” I nudged him, in case Dad heard.

  “Then th
ere is Captain Cross-arms,” said Captain Cross-eyed, indicating a red-haired lady, who had a moustache and tattoos. “She wouldn’t take any nonsense from anyone.”

  “Sounds a bit like Miss Dodds,” said Sara.

  “Looks a bit like Miss Dodds, too,” I grinned.

  “Who’s the chap with the treasure map?” asked Dad.

  “Ah,” said Captain Cross-eyed. “That’s Captain Cross. He was a grumpy old man, but brilliant at reading maps. He found lots of treasure, usually other people’s, which he pinched.”

  “I’ve met loads of people like that in my job,” said Dad. “I broke my leg chasing a bunch of thieves.”

  “But at least that’s exciting,” said Captain Cross-eyed. “The chasing bit, I mean, not the broken leg. My job’s not exciting at all. Nothing much ever happens in the sausage factory. I’d love to be a pirate like my ancestors, but there’s not much call for them these days.” He looked so sad that Ellie, who had been climbing on and off the little barrel tables with Scarface Jack, came over and offered him her pink rabbit.

  That made Captain Cross-eyed smile. Then he got out his tin whistle and played some pirate tunes for Olly to dance to.

  All too soon, Mum arrived to take us home. We said goodbye to Captain Cross-eyed, waved Sara and Surinder off on their bikes, and got into the car.

  My mind was in a whirl with everything I’d seen.

  “You’re very quiet, Jonny,” said Mum. “Didn’t you enjoy the pirate tea?”

  “Tea,” said Ellie, before I could reply. “Tea.”

  “You’ve just had tea, Ellie,” said Mum. “You can’t be hungry.”

  “Actually, she didn’t eat anything at all,” said Dad. “She was too busy playing.”

  I’d noticed that, too. Which was why I was being so quiet. My brain was working overtime. Ellie had enjoyed playing in the pirate house, and Captain Cross-eyed really wanted to be more like his pirate ancestors. I smiled. I thought I might just know a way to help them both…

  Chapter Eight

  On Sunday night, when I was supposed to be doing my homework, I drew a picture of all the things that were buzzing through my head. I put the picture into my rucksack and showed it to Sara and Surinder the next day.

  “A big pirate ship in the park!” they exclaimed. “That would be great.”

  “I’m sure Captain Cross-eyed could set it up,” I said. “And look, we could have all sorts of activities, like rope climbing and…”

  “Walking the plank,” said Surinder.

  “Fighting off enemy ships,” said Sara.

  “Hammock swinging,” said Surinder.

  “Treasure hunting,” said Sara.

  I grinned. They were getting the idea.

  Later, Dad got the idea, too. “A pirate ship with pirate activities?” he said thoughtfully. “That would certainly be fun for the children round here. It would keep them fit, too.”

  “It would let Captain Cross-eyed be a real pirate, like his ancestors.”

  Dad smiled. “And give me something to organise while I’m off work with this broken leg. Good thinking, son.” Then he hobbled off, whistling, to make a few phone calls.

  “Well done,” whispered Mum. “I haven’t seen your dad so cheerful in ages.”

  A few days went by and Dad was so busy we hardly saw him. Then he announced that he and I were going back to visit Captain Cross-eyed. “We have some pirate matters to discuss,” he grinned.

  The captain was just polishing off his tea of fish fingers when we arrived.

  “I hate sausages,” he grinned. “What can I do for you?”

  “Tell him, Jonny,” said Dad.

  I explained my idea about the pirate ship in the park.

  Captain Cross-eyed looked doubtful. “It sounds wonderful, but…”

  “Dad thinks it can be done,” I said.

  “Over the last week I’ve spoken to a lot of people who are willing to help,” nodded Dad. “The council, local businesses, parents… They all think it’s a fantastic idea.”

  “I would love to do it,” said Captain Cross-eyed. “The children could take part in all kinds of activities, even sword fights. We’d use wooden swords, of course. And we could have barrels to crawl through and climb over and…”

  Captain Cross-eyed had got the idea, too. Then he and Dad sat down and made lists of all the things they would need to set it up while I played with Olly and Scarface Jack.

  “How did Scarface Jack lose his ear?” I asked. “I bet it was in a fight with another pirate cat. I bet the other cat slunk away when he realised that Scarface Jack would fight to the death, even if he only had one ear, or one eye, or one paw left.”

  “It might have been like that,” grinned Captain Cross-eyed. “Or he might have been born with only one ear, and I might have got him from the cat rescue centre because no one else wanted him. But that could be our secret. I like your story better.”

  I liked Captain Cross-eyed.

  I also liked the speed at which my dad got things done. Before long, there was a lot of hammering and banging going on in the park. A big, wooden pirate ship took shape, with rope ladders snaking down its sides and a Jolly Roger flag fluttering at its mast. The name Silver Arrow was painted on its prow, and a large plank fixed near the stern.

  “We’re going to put a big paddling pool filled with plastic balls and sharks underneath,” grinned Captain Cross-eyed.

  Mr McGregor, our football coach, was the first to notice what was going on. “I saw your dad yesterday when I was out on my run,” he said to me at football practice. “He says there’s a pirate activity centre being set up. Said it was your idea. Is that right?”

  I nodded.

  “Well done, laddie. Soon as it’s ready, I’ll be along there with the football team. Make a change from the usual training.”

  Then Mr Maini mentioned it to me. “I’m putting up a notice in my shop window about the big pirate ship in the park. It seems a Captain Cross-eyed, whom I know as Mr Cross, is to be in charge of it. Seems you weren’t telling silly stories after all. I owe you an apology.”

  “That’s O.K., Mr Maini,” I grinned. “It was all rather strange.”

  Only Miss Dodds didn’t mention it. Not even when the big pirate ship opened and news of it was in the local paper.

  Everyone from miles around went to the opening dressed as a pirate, though Dad wasn’t too pleased when I called him Peg Leg.

  Captain Cross-eyed looked fantastic. He stood at the ship’s wheel in his full pirate outfit. “Welcome aboard!” he cried. “Everyone must have fun or my name’s not Captain Cross-eyed.” Then he crossed his eyes and made people laugh.

  Not to be outdone, Olly hopped about cackling. “Where’s the treasure? Where’s the treasure?” And tried to poke his beak into people’s pockets.

  Everyone had a wonderful time, especially Captain Cross-eyed. “I’m a real pirate at last,” he grinned. “And it’s all thanks to you, Jonny.” Then he put his hand into his pocket and handed me a large coin. “It’s a gold doubloon. Your dad was telling me you’re saving up to buy a new bike.” And before I could thank him, he strode off to show two girls how to have a proper sword fight.

  Dad was really pleased at how well everything had gone, too. “I’m sorry I thought the idea of a pirate in Weir Street was nonsense,” he said.

  “That’s all right,” I grinned, “because I’ve got something else tell you. Captain Cross-eyed’s not the only strange person to live in Weird Street. Guess who lives at number 34 and a half…”

  WeirD Street

  Just how weird can the people in Weir Street be? Join Jonny on all his adventures…

  First published 2009 by

  A & C Black

  Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

  50 Bedford Square, London, WC1B 3DP

  www.acblack.com

  This electronic edition published in April 2012 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc

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  eISBN 978 1 4081 6374 0

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